Bitch Kitty Racing

Ah, nothing beats the sight of one hundred thousand liberals, homosexuals, and Jews spontaneously celebrating the outcome of a presidential election! This was the scene in my neighborhood on November 4, 2008. I didn’t film this (obviously. If I had, it would suck significantly less), but I’m glad someone did. It makes me so proud of my community, I just want to hop in a Prius, drive to the suburbs and yell “Breeder!” at all the ugly people in Costco-brand, non-ironic acid-washed denim. Perhaps I’ll even get out of the car with a clipboard and ask people if they’d like to help the environment today.

I would like to point something out that is really pissing me off about the mainstream media: the phrase “the first black president.” No one under the age of forty gives a shit that Obama isn’t entirely white—they care that he’s a Democrat. I have no idea how anyone could possibly think that Iraq was a good idea, or that imprisonment without the benefit of trial is legal, or that torture is moral, or that no-bid contracts to the vice-president’s company are right . . .

Eight years of president Dumbass is enough. Two years of this fucking campaign is enough. Finally, America can look out to the world and say, “I told you we were only half retarded.”